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This message Lair Legion: The City #1 The HTML-correct version! was posted by Nats on Friday, September 27, 2002 at 18:57.
LAIR LEGION : THE CITY #1
By Bill Reed
Parodiopolis, My Parodiopolis
Thanks to all posters on the Parodyverse board, both past and present!
The building was a bit old, having been built in the earlier part of the twentieth century, but its brickwork had held, and it still provided a home for many people looking for a decent place to live, as it was on the outskirts of Shelton, the more suburbian and residential area of Parodiopolis. The cost of rent was considerably cheap in relation to the bigger or ritzier hotels and motels located throughout Parodiopolis, which was what drew people to make it their home.
The owner, Stella Dougle, had taken over running the boarding house ever since her husband Douglas died twenty years before. She maintained the family atmosphere of the building, by cooking and joining in meals with some of the boarders, socializing with them often, and helping them out if they needed it. On the ground floor of the building, she kept the kitchen, dining room, broom closets, and laundry room. On the second floor was the temporary guests, those just staying for a few days or weeks. On the third floor stayed the more permanent guests, and finally, there was the loft, in which she herself lived. Some of the residents had lived there for upwards of thirty years, and were around her age. Others were younger, and enjoyed the atmosphere of the house, with all its memories contained therein. The name of the place was simply "The Dougle Boarding Home," and had been such ever since she and her husband had bought it in the early sixties. Stella was in her seventies and still in good shape, constantly trekking up the many flights of stairs and going for long walks every morning. She enjoyed laughing, and if you had a joke, she wanted to hear it.
One of the current permanent boarders was a young man named Kyle Runner. He mostly kept to himself and always carried around a cel phone and beeper. He didn't furnish his room much, having a simple bed, table, small refridgerator, and a lamp or two. His window faced the alley next to the building, and Stella would sometimes hear him in his room, and open the door to talk to him, yet wouldn't find him there. She also noticed that he seemed to be collecting swords, and that there was an awful lot of fog in his room sometimes, and wondered constantly if something was wrong with the air conditioner because of it.
Unbeknownst to old Stella Dougle, Kyle Runner was also the Saint, a super-powered agent of a mysterious organization, answering to the equally mysterious man known as Maverick. Saint had the ability to transform himself into mist or fog, and also carried around two swords. He escaped into the alley when he received a call or e-mail on his laptop about a current mission of his he had to embark upon. He wore a white suit with tan slashes on it, which was equipped with some state-of-the-art technology, including night-vision and infra-red vision, and numerous gadgets like flash bombs or exploding throwing stars. He fought on the side of good, and vowed to protect the denizens of the city. Even when not on an assignment, he routinely patrolled his area of the city by night, leaping across rooftops and darting among alleys. He was embroiled in taking down a zombie crime ring, and had been for some time.
Currently, Kyle Runner was sleeping. But not for long.
His cel phone rang suddenly, and he slowly woke up and answered it.
"Hello?"
"Saint. You've got a new assignment."
"Can't it wait until morning?"
"No," the man known as Maverick said from the other line. "This is important."
Kyle got up and went over to his closet. He opened it, bent down, and took out a large green trunk. He unlocked that, and then lifted out his Saint costume.
"Okay," Kyle spoke. "Tell me what I have to do."
***
The Parodiopolis Times was the city's oldest newspaper, having been founded in 1890. There were a few local papers before that, such as the Paradopolis Clarion and the Parody Press Gazette, but none could last as long as the Times. Its current publisher was a man by the name of Stern Franklin, and it's editor-in-chief was Perry Black. The paper was known for it's more straightforward simple journalism, rather than it's competition the Daily Trombone's bombastic sensationalism and wild editorials.
The building itself was constructed in 1921, after it was moved from its previous location in what is now Mangatown. The building, which has had constant additions and remodeling since it was first built, is made of more stone and metal than glass. Smaller businesses are located within the lower floors, but the top fifteen floors are devoted entirely to the paper. The factory which serves as the main printing house can be found in Mosman Park, right near the outskirts of Mangatown, and by the wharves. However, the Sunday paper is printed in the basement levels of the Times building.
The structure is quite tall, as one could see all the way to the now-destroyed area that once used to be Off-Central Park, as well as the now rundown Variety Theater, and the still thriving Lair Mansion, if one happened to be standing on the roof. Currently, someone was.
The man in the navy coat lit his cigarette, and took a long drag on it. He remained on the rooftop of the building, and peered around into the darkness which surrounded him and enveloped the city.
"You rang, Agent Travis?" a voice came from behind him.
"Glad to see you made it all the way up here," Travis said without turning around. He dropped his cigarette off the ledge of the building.
"Heights were never really a problem for me before," the man in the trenchcoat and black uniform stated. "Not when you can leap twenty feet into the air and forty across. Made it from the Daily Trombone's roof."
Travis turned around. "What did I tell you about the trenchcoat, Post?"
"I know you wanted me to ditch it," the man once known as Messenger said. "But I like my coat. And it is a bit chilly."
"Right. Anyway, you got a job. Local one, too."
"Always is good to visit the hometown," Messenger told him. "So what's the scoop?"
"Scoop is, there's an assassin that just checked into Parodiopolis, that we don't know too much on. All we know is that he's never failed at a previous job, and that he goes by the name CyberVenom."
"CyberVenom, huh? Ehh, I've heard better names. Why is SPUD so involved in this case? I mean, a known assassin is important, but it doesn't seem like a case you'd put me on."
"Well, he's a superhuman from what we've gathered, and so are you. SPUD figures you'll be useful in tracking him down."
"Do you know who he's after?"
"We think it's Drury."
Messenger paused for a moment. "Drury? Dan Drury? As in, head of SPUD?"
"That's right. We're keeping him in the helicarrier right now, with full protection. But we want to see if we can take this guy down early."
Messenger nodded. "Okay...so where'd you get this info?"
Travis took out another cigarette. "SPUD has some confidential sources. They say CyberVenom will strike within the week." He lit it.
"So do you have a picture of the guy? Do you know where he is?"
The agent puffed. "No pictures. He's never been seen. He's noted for killing his target and then slipping into the crowd, or disappearing. We can't find him. And all we know is that he's in Parodiopolis...but we're guessing he might be lying low in a cheap rent place, maybe in Hell's Bathroom, we're not sure. You're supposed to find him and take him out. Report every twelve hours."
"Mmkay. I think I might know where to start, then."
"Good. And good luck." Travis took another long drag on his cigarette. "Be seeing you."
"InDEED," Messenger nodded, and then leaped away.
***
The Parodiopolis Plaza was one of the first stops of tourists, mainly because it was an interesting site. Not only did it contain the Twin Parody Tower, which there is only one of, ever since the incident with Peter von Doom, spiffy, and the League of Regulars' first outing, but it also featured a quaint shopping area, with small stores and shops circling the area at the base of the tower.
One of the most famous spots in the plaza was the Bean & Donut Coffee Bar, founded in 1989, and currently run by a Mr. Papadopolous. Its most famous waitress was a one Sarah Shepherdson, who was always there to greet the customers with a smile and a cup of coffee. The bar was often visited by super-heroes, both in and out of their secret identities. It was also visited by Ronald Reagan, Harrison Ford, and the Pope at seperate occassions. All of them flirted with Sarah.
Currently, Sarah was in her apartment above the Bean & Donut, leisurely taking a warm bubble bath. She had a romance novel in her hand, and read on past chapter twelve.
"Oh, Alice, why don't you notice the affections of Donald? He's obviously madly in love with you," she said out loud. "I mean, you're both on the ranch, and your similar love of horses will only bring you closer together. But what if Timothy, the son of the nearby farmer, gets jealous? It could lead to disaster!" She placed the bookmark in the book and then stepped out of the tub to wrap a towel around herself.
She paused, and stopped to look out the window. She was amazed at the fact that the city never slept, that there could be so much traffic at the current time of night.
That's when something flitted past the window. Something humanoid, clad in white with two gleaming swords.
Sarah smiled, gladdened at something to do, and then got out her Dancer outfit.
***
Mangatown was the major Japanese area of the city, situated between Carrington and downtown Parodiopolis. It was first known as Little Nippon, until the great Japanese influx of 1938 caused the name to change to Japan Town. The Second World War turned Mangatown into a hated and near-barren place, and no more Japanese came until the sixties, in which the place got so big and comic books became a major phenomenon that it became known as Mangatown.
Mangatown not only housed the homes of many Japanese citizens, but it served as a cultural magnet for all of Parodiopolis, as other small cultural towns like Medium-Sized Italy, Tiny Greece, and Chinatown surround it. In Mangatown, there was a large skyscraper owned by the Masamune Corporation, which was the headquarters for a large munitions and appliance-making company, second only to Bautista Enterprises. The owner of said company, Akiko Masamune, was also reported to have dealings with the major crime familes of the world. She currently headed the Parodiopolis sector of the Yakuza.
Mangatown is the entertainment district of Parodiopolis. The root word is Manga, meaning comic book in Japan, so the town housed several small-press and medium-sized comic companies, most of which Andrew Dean wrote for. This section of the city also featured a TV and movie studio lot, as well as a large number of movie theaters, and constant parades and block parties.
It also had Uncle Saki's Family Dojo, in which a man named Saki continues to teach his many students the art of ninja. Saki was also an old friend of a mysterious living legend around Mangatown. The legend was of a masked crusader who keeps justice in the area. That was the legend of the Green Ninja.
Currently, Saki meditated in his apartment above the dojo. He burned several incenses around him, creating a specific atmosphere which enhanced his meditation. He couldn't hear, but he felt an extra prescence in the room.
"Saki," the voice rasped.
"Ahh, my friend, I did not hear you come in," the old wise ninja smiled. "Will you join me?"
The Green Ninja sat down cross-legged in front of him. "I need information, Saki."
"Any time you need information, old friend, I will do my best to give it," Saki told him.
"There have been robberies all over Mangatown, and even some outside of it. A team of skilled acrobats dressed in black, and carrying swords. They slip in, take the money or jewels or artifacts or whatever they wish, and then leave. They are never seen or heard, only found out by the security cameras. What I need to know is if you know anything about them."
"I am afraid I cannot help you, my friend. I have only read about the robberies in the paper."
"Are you sure you know nothing?" the Green Ninja questioned.
Saki opened his eyes again. "I know nothing of these burglars. What makes you think I would?"
"Don't play games with me, Saki," the ninja dressed in green said. "I know you were a skilled thief in your younger days, and that you used to train ninja thieves over in Japan, before you came to the States. Did you train these thieves?"
"No, my friend. As I told you, I gave back all I stole and have since gone legitimate. I have always respected you, and I have always thought we trusted one another. Do you not trust me, Green Ninja?"
"I thought I did, old friend. Sadly, the three men behind me tell me otherwise."
"How did you---" Saki began in shock.
The Green Ninja perfomed a backflip from his position on the floor, twirled through the air, and landed behind his three opponents dressed in black ninja garb. They readied their swords against him. He readied his.
The ninjas attacked him all at once. He defended himself against their blade attacks, and slightly cut their wrists, knocking their swords from their hands. Then they attacked him hand-to-hand.
The Ninja buried his sword in the floor, leaped into the air, and took a ninja down with one kick to the head. Another attacked him with a swift chop, but the ninja blocked it, and then knocked his opponent out with one solid punch. The final assailant kicked at him, but the Green Ninja caught the foot, twisted it, and then delivered two powerful fingers to the neck, taking out his foe. The man dressed in green then turned to Saki.
"I have rendered your men unconscious, Saki," he said, sheathing his blade. "These were only three of them. I know now you will not tell me the location of the others, nor even how many there truly are. I do expect you to call the police and turn yourself in. If you do not, I will return."
Saki stood up, shocked at how fast and easily the Green Ninja defeated his trained ninjas.
"Goodbye, 'old friend,'" the ninja said, and disappeared in the blink of an eye.
***
The Willow Nightclub was located near the Englehart Bridge, along the waterfront area of the luxurious Pierce Heights section of Parodiopolis. It provided the best party atmosphere and dancing anywhere within the city. It was open from seven at night until seven in the morning, achieving the entire night as the perfect time to be there. The throbbing music reverberated throughout the entire building, as the multi-colored lights swept across the dance floor.
The club had been around since 1880 in some form or another. At first it was a dining hall for the local dignitaries, but it later developed into more of a dancing hall, ballroom, and at one point, a catering service took up shop there. However, back in the 70's it once again became a club, but this time it was a nightclub, and all of Parodiopolis's youth came nightly to it.
Unbeknownst to everyone in the city, the club's owner, Lady Camellia, was a dark faerie devoted to dark magicks, who had been in charge of the place secretly since its opening. She once saw fit to kidnap the Lair Legion for her own sinister purposes, but was defeated by a substitute team.** The LL never managed to figure out that the club was her base of operations 24/7.
[**LLC #6, in which Donar led a team comprised of Dancer, Xander, Manga Shoggoth, Saint, and Troia215.]
Currently, Jay Boaz and Whitney Darkness, the two young lovers also known as the Lair Legionnaires Hatman and Sorceress, were enjoying themselves dancing to the techno music currently blasting throughout the large room. As the strobe light flickered overhead, Whitney brushed her cheek against her boyfriend's.
"Have you seen Dream around anywhere?" she asked him, speaking of CrazySugarFreakBoy!, their LL teammate.
"No," he replied. "I hope whoever he found is legal."
Whitney giggled in reply and continued dancing to the music.
"Penny appears to be enjoying herself though," Jay observed.
Penny Christopolous, also known as the cosmic immortal named Pegasus, and current guest of the Lair Legion, was surrounded by several men and kept dancing. She acted a bit regal, as she considered herself very sophisticated and dignified, as well as madly sexy.
Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove, aka CrazySugarFreakBoy!, was sitting at the bar sipping at a beer. He had left his silly-suit of Impossibilityium at home, and so remained as a normal college student that had taken a break from his life in Seattle to rejoin his friends and teammates. Occasionally he'd hit on a girl walking by the bar, but mostly remained as a fixture on a stool, drinking the night away.
Nearby in a basement complex, however, Lady Camellia did business with guest of a more unusual nature.
"I do hope you come again soon, my dear Mahssus, but unfortunately, I'm afraid I cannot help you with your pollution problem," Camellia smiled.
The she-troll Mahssus slammed her fist down onto the table. "My water's filled with petroleum and grime, and the passersby do not even pay tribute to me anymore. My cavern beneath the bridge remains a horrible place. I should rule over these mortals, and your magicks could help me---"
Lady Camellia reclined on a leather sofa. She wore jewelry of all kinds, and a dark leather dress completed her ensemble. "Sadly, my friend, you know we have to keep a low profile. Don't want the Lair Legion banging on our doors, do we? We learned our lesson last time."
"Feh! I have no need of this nonsense," Mahssus growled. "I will be back another day. Until then, I bid you farewell, Camellia."
"Adieu, Mahssus, adieu," the dark faerie waved as Mahssus stormed out.
Soon after, another guest entered the excellently furnished room, carrying a briefcase. This guest was like a three-dimensional shadow clad in a black suit, shirt, and tie. An onlooker could distinguish the rustled hair and strong build of the man, but that was all.
"Ahh, welcome to my abode," said Camellia.
"Greetings, Lady Camellia," the dark figure nodded. "I have come to impart some information upon you."
"Surely, darling," the magic vixen smiled. "What have you to tell me?"
"I only wish to inform you that the ninja clan is doing nicely, and I hope you appreciate the jewels and artifacts we have presented you with. Of course, we took the liberty to appropriate some money from your bank account, but just our usual fee," the living shadow stated.
"Of course. But the remaining item?"
"Ahh, yes. We have currently sent a group of ninja to the designated area to get the final item you wished for your collection."
"Thank you," Camellia grinned. "You may take your leave now."
The shadow bowed, and then headed for the exit.
***
The Cathedral of the Saints in upper Parodiopolis was designed by architect Leyland Reed in 1864, and construction was completed in 1869. The large church had a great dome for it's roof, and perched on top of the dome used to be a stone statue of Jesus Christ. However, the statue became severely dilapidated over time, and the church later had to sell that area for ad space, which is why a statue of Colonel Sanders resided there.
Surrounding the base of the dome were numerous gargoyles, which seemed quite ghastly for a house of God, but was just how Wilbur Parody was reported to have wanted it. A large cross was placed above the entrance, where massive stone columns greeted visitors.
The building had been visited by churchgoers for over hundreds of years, but had been closed recently because of the destruction of Off-Central Park. The church now seemed like a mausoleum, which seemed oddly fitting this night. Currently, there was a corpse standing amidst the gargoyles and stained glass. Oddly, he was quite spry for a dead man. Or a Dead Boy.
The man known as Dead Boy perched himself on a gargoyle and looked at the now-ruined Off-Central Park. Police and rescue teams were still searching for the bodies of some SPUD operatives that were lost in the explosion.
In fact, Dead Boy never even saw the man clad in white coming.
The figure propelled himself into Dead Boy, with two feet colliding into the living corpse's chest and sending them both through the stained glass window of the virgin Mary. As they fell past the balcony and towards the floor below, Dead Boy managed to flip his opponent over in mid-air so that he wouldn't take the brunt of the fall. Unfortunately, he didn't take into account his foe's ability to turn into mist at any given moment.
Saint allowed himself to be flipped over in mid-air, just to evaporate into mist at the last second, causing Dead Boy to slam face-first into the center aisle. The man clad in white reformed in front of his fallen opponent.
"Unnh..." Dead Boy grunted as he picked himself up. "Who are you? What are you?" He took his pistol out of his hip holster and aimed it at Saint.
Saint hurled a throwing star at the gun, knocking it out of the corpse's hand with a small explosion. Startling Dead Boy with that move, Saint raced forward, both swords drawn.
"Don't worry, zombie, it'll only hurt a bit," he snarled.
"Zombie?" Dead Boy repeated, backflipping out of range of Saint's sword-slashes.
"Don't try to deny it. I've scanned your molecular structure with one of my devices when I saw you standing on the cathedral. You're composed of dead skin cells."
"Maybe so," the corpse said, catching a blade between his hands, "but I don't think I'm a ---" Then he had to roll backwards to avoid getting decapitated.
Saint thrusted the sword down at Dead Boy's head, but the pale man dodged at the last second and kicked his opponent back. Then Dead Boy pulled the sword out of the floor and swung at Saint.
Saint blocked it with his own sword and then kicked out at Dead Boy, who avoided it and then went for the head. Saint blocked and then quickly blocked again from another attack, but quick sweeped the "zombie's" legs out from under him. Dead Boy once again rolled out of the way from an attack, and grabbed a capsule from Saint's belt.
"Wait, don't--!" Saint yelled, but it was too late. His opponent through the capsule at him, creating a bright flash which blinded him by scrambling his night vision lenses. He managed to turn the night vision off, but by the time he was down to seeing spots, Dead Boy had already knocked the sword out of his hand and pinned him to the floor.
"Now tell me why you're trying to cleave my head off my shoulders," Dead Boy demanded.
"I'm a good guy, dammit!" the zombie hunter spat. "I'm on a case, and I have to take down zombie criminals like you!"
"I'm not a criminal," replied the corpse. "I'm no criminal. I'm a 'good guy' too, and I'm also on a case. I'm trying to investigate something called the Shadow Cabinet. My name's Dead Boy."
"I'm Saint. I'm looking for Messenger. He was confirmed dead, but rumored to be back, and I was sent to find him."
"It appears we have a misunderstanding, then," Dead Boy said, letting Saint get up.
"The classic misunderstanding between heroes, huh?" observed Dancer, who had just entered the cathedral. "Hi, I'm Dancer. I followed Saint here. And what are you supposed to do to Messenger?"
"The Lair Legionnaire?" Dead Boy asked.
"The friend of the Lair Legion," Sarah responded. "I'm just probationary. Now, mister, what are you going to do to Messy?"
"I'm supposed to capture him," Saint said. "Or, if he's a zombie, to kill him."
"Messy's a friend of mine," Dancer lectured, "and if you think I'm gonna let you chop him to pieces you're mistaken. He's on the side of good whether you realize it or not, and---"
"I believe we're all on the side of good," the Green Ninja stated, dropping down unheard from the balcony. "Sadly, those ninjas behind you aren't."
The ninjas dressed in black attacked.
***
The Fatal Toilet was a pub located in Hell's Bathroom, right next to Seedytown, which occupied the dock areas. The building used to be a pet shop until all the animals escaped and ran away, putting the place out of business. The Toilet was founded in 1995. It's proprietor hasn't been seen in months.
Currently, the sometimes-superhero dull thud and his telepathic tapeworm Cressida were enjoying a nice midnight drink in one of thud's favorite spots. Joining them were the mutant outlaw Josh Clement, aka De Brown Streak; Joe Pepper, aka ManMan, and his sentient knife Knifey; and the sometimes-hero-sometimes-villain-depending-on-your-price Chronic and his satanic guitar Steve.
"Leave me, will she?" Chronic muttered. "I'll show her."
"He's been saying that for the past two hours," DBS noted. "I'm beginning to worry."
"Ahh, he'll be fine," dull thud told him. "As long as he's not playing something horrible on that guitar, we're okay. Give me Flint Michigan and the Rusty Mandibles any day. Now *they* know music."
~~Only if your idea of music is loud noises and slurred speech,~~ Cressida said telepathically.
"Quiet, Cressida," thud grumbled. Josh looked at him oddly.
"Oh, he's just talking to his tapeworm," Knifey stated. "I mean, if you can believe in talking silverware and guitars from hell, then a telepathic tapeworm is really nothing special."
"You're just angry because she dumped you," said ManMan.
"What, now you're making with the quick quips and comments? That's my job!" the knife reprimanded.
"Geez, forget I spoke."
"Yeah, about you and the knife dating, I've been meaning to ask you, Cressy," thud brought up. "How?"
~~Oh, it's a long story, and you'd just forget about it in your hangover by morning,~~ the tapeworm answered.
"Forget it then," dull thud mumbled, and went back to his scotch.
By then someone else had entered the bar and sat down on a stool.
"What'll it be?" the bartender asked.
"Beer," the man said. "Cold."
"Hey!" a booming voice called. "That's mah stool!"
"I don't think so," the man told him. "If this was your stool, I figure it'd be a lot more brown and squishy. Maybe you should check in the bathroom."
"Wise guy, huh? I'll teach you a thing or two..." He swung his fist.
The man caught it. He squeezed.
"Ow! That hurts!" the large heavy man screamed.
The much smaller and slightly built man pushed him clear across the room and onto a pool table.
"What's happening?" Knifey asked.
"Ahh, some guy just pushed Big Shirtless Ron across the room and onto the pool table," ManMan replied.
"They have a POOL table here?" dull thud gasped.
"I'll show her," grumbled Chronic.
"Doesn't anyone think that's a little odd?" De Brown Streak asked.
"No, he's usually that surly," thud said.
"Not Chronic. I mean the little guy throwing the big guy across the room like that."
"I've seen weirder," ManMan told him. "Big fiery skull guys, other dimensions, Yo switching genders. Then there was that time I had to marry a demon, and..."
"Was that before or after you had to wear the dress?" thuddy questioned.
"Oh, shut up," Joe Pepper grunted.
"Ahh, you're the pinnacle of wit now, aren't you?" Knifey quipped.
ManMan just went back to his drink.
The man had grabbed Big Shirtless Ron by the chest hair and prepared to punch him.
"Hey!" DBS shouted, laying his hand on the man's shoulder. "Stop fighting, you don't have to---"
"Don't tell me what to do, pal," the man snarled. His sleeve morphed into a moving black substance, which produced a sharp tendril. He held it to the mutant's neck. "Now back off."
With that, he pushed DBS away and walked out the door.
"I think we should follow that guy," Josh told the others.
"That might be a good idea," Knifey advised. They all got up and left.
"Hey!" the bartender called futiley. "Aren't you gonna pay for your drinks?"
***
"Well, that seemed easy," Saint noticed, sheathing his twin swords.
"You *did* have the Probability Dancer on your side," Dancer reminded him.
"Yeah, I kinda wondered why the light fixtures above us fell down on them," said Dead Boy.
"Have we met?" Saint asked the Green Ninja.
"Possibly," came the reply.
Dead Boy held an unconscious ninja by his clothing. "This is odd."
"What?" Dancer asked.
"It's like he has no features at all," the corpse explained. "A living shadow." He found the ninja's belt under his garb and removed it. The shadowy features of the ninja faded away to that of a normal young Japanese man.
"Strange indeed," the Green Ninja stated.
"Hmm. This seems like it can turn the guy into a shadow or something," Dead Boy noted.
"Is anyone else thinking the Shadow Cabinet is behind these guys?" Dancer asked.
"Maybe," Saint said. "But we know so little about them."
"Yeah, but I know a guy that's good with gadgets," the Probability Dancer told them. "His name's Al B. Harper. He lives in the woods outside GMY."
"Then we should probably go there," Dead Boy declared. "Maybe we can figure out what makes this thing here tick."
"Right..." Saint nodded. "But there's just one problem. Did anyone bring a car here?"
***
The dark figure leaped from rooftop to rooftop with immense ease. He traversed Hell's Bathroom and made it to Seedytown, where he fired a dark line of something from his fist and swung from the buildings on it.
He was covered in a dark costume of some kind, that responded to his thoughts and could shapeshift into normal everyday clothes if that's what he wanted.
Currently, however, as he landed on the roof of a certain building, he just wanted to go back to being normal Randy Potts, temporary guest at the Dougle Boarding Home.
***
Somewhere in Hell's Bathroom, there was a store, hidden in an alley which was sometimes there, and sometimes not. This was Xander's Clock-Repair and Plumbing Service, which was run by the proprietor Xander, who was the current Sorceror Supreme by default. Sometimes his store appeared to be a Mystic Arts and Pottery Shop, but usually it wasn't. No one was exactly sure how long the building had been around, let alone where it was. One could only find the place if one specifically needed Xander's help, and currently, someone did.
As the door opened, it triggered a lever which tapped a small metal ball which rolled down a chute until it hit a small diving board which sent a tiny plastic man through the air into a small bowl which caused a small plastic cage to fall down onto a chicken's head, waking it up and causing it to squawk.
"Moustrap," Xander said, turning on the lights. "Hello, Messenger, I've been expecting you."
"I wasn't even sure if you'd be here this time of night," the postman told him, "But I need your help. You seem to know what's going on in the city at nearly all times, and I need to know everything you can tell me about someone named CyberVenom."
"CyberVenom, CyberVenom," the sorceror that never actually used any magic repeated. "Hmm. Yes, I do believe so. Horrible thing that happened in that helicarrier. Wait, that didn't happen yet, did it? I get that mixed up sometimes. Yes, I know this man. I sold him a jetpack earlier today."
"A jetpack? Xander, WHY? He's going to use that to get to the SPUD helicarrier to kill Drury!" Messenger screamed. "He's an assassin! How could you...?"
"Oh, I know all that. But you need to know something. He's staying at the Dougle Boarding Home in Shelton. That's not all, though. You see, it doesn't matter if he gets to the helicarrier. What matters is what happens to his brother."
Messenger's jaw dropped. "He has a brother? Where?"
***
A living shadow carrying a briefcase walked into a large white room, and sat down at a large white table. Another living shadow sat at the opposite end of said table.
"Ahh, Jekyll, how nice of you to join me," the shadow already there said.
"Hello, Hyde. How is the business in Arachknight City going?"
"Excellently," Hyde replied. "How about your business in Badripoor and Immin?"
"The business is going very smoothly and according to plan," Jekyll answered. "I hear the goings-on on Monstrous Island will end up spectacular."
"Yes, I had heard about those as well."
"I do believe the current business in Parodiopolis is going to plan," Jekyll said.
"Indeed," Hyde responded. "The dangerous variables in our operations will soon be wiped out."
"Yes," Jekyll nodded. "But what if the Lair Legion interferes?"
"Don't worry about them," Hyde said. "They'll be taken care of shortly."
"Yes. And with them gone, the Shadow Cabinet will finally own this city entirely," Jekyll declared.
To be continued...
Next issue: All the stuff that couldn't fit in this one appears in the next one. Crisis on the SPUD helicarrier! An unexpected guest at the Lair Mansion! Plus: Al B. Harper, spiffy, Visionary, Amazing Guy, and the Lair Legion! More on the enigmatic Shadow Cabinet. And we learn more about CyberVenom, as well as his brother. So read that, when it comes out.
Nats
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